I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize