people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
