Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
