goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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