You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My pussy is not your playground.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
