in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just found puke in my bra..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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