im about as happy as oj after his trial
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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