you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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