Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize