What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Be still, my beating vagina.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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