i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
