Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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