dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
