I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it was like eating out sand paper
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
