i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
