forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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