I am spending my child support on dildos
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
