there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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