you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
