this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
