It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
