I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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