You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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