People in love make me want to vomit
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
