Pappa wants mamma naked
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
