I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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