There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
