i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
