I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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