I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?