Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
