spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
