it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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