Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
