Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
