508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
