Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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