is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
