talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
