Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
