I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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