The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
