Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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