The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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