Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
