She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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