i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
