I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
