How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
