Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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