Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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