$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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