so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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