if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
