uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
