a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
