Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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