she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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