let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
