we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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