Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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