If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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