Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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