i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
