guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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