What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
