It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
