My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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