you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
