i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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